the old/divorced/dad dude

this is a pretty broad topic, but they’re lumped together because a) they didn’t read my post and b) they’re often all three.at least ‘d’ (i will be using initials to be nice…ish) is a sporty type: Hi,
Do you golf ?. I’m looking for someone to golf with this season. If more develops great. Divorced 20 years ago, no kids except my constant dog(s) companion(s). I have a professional degree and own my own home. White male, 52 years of age, light smoker(for now) light drinker, absolutely no drugs/deceases. 5′10″ 170lbs. ask for pictures……… Later my friend, speak clear, be honest and leave no trails of the opposite of your intentions.

D

there’s so much obviously wrong with d that it may be insulting to your intelligence to explain. for starters, he’s been divorced nearly as long as i’ve been alive. yep - that’s a problem. also, he’s been divorced. that in itself is a problem. i figure i don’t have to include divorced guys in my dating pool until i’m in my mid-30s.also, what’s up with the fortune cookie closing line? it’s weird, but at second thought (as i love fortune cookies) it’s the best part of this ad. sadly.i took his advice to heart in my reply. i was clear and i’m pretty sure my intentions were… intentional:<p>

d,

it’s pathetically obvious you didn’t even bother reading my ad. one would hope that at your age, you would have figured that out by now. ohhh wait. there’s probably some reason you’ve been divorced for 20 years. good luck, really. v

my friend tim suggested replying to the CL creepos might be empowering. he might be right.

another old, divorced (no word about kids) dude:

HI,

My name’s D and I’m a 36 yr old , divorced guy living in E St Paul. I’m 6′2, 220lbs, attractive, fun and a pretty laid-back guy. I get along with everyone and I love to have fun no matter what I’m doing. I’m also intelligent with a great sense of humor and generally I’m a nice guy overall. I’m very adventurous, open and I love to kiss (and have been told I’m pretty good at it).

I’m not a weirdo, freak , liar, pic collector or anything else like 95% of the guys on here are. The pic that I’ve attached is a very bad pic of me but it’s the only one I have available to send right now. I do clean up much better

Your post really caught my eye and I’d be very interested in talking to you. Please call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx if you are interested.

Thanks,

D

apparently d is not a good initial for uncreepiness. and divorce isn’t a good indicator of intelligence as this guy also didn’t read my ad. not surprisingly, he was not attractive. in fact, his picture was along the greasy hair, wrinkly button down shirt with too many open buttons vein. no pic would have been better, imo. i’m also interested on where he got his statistics, as i met no pic collectors, and only about 38% were freaks or weirdos. not going to trust an old divorced dude to not be a liar though… esp when he’s already feeding me incorrect stats.

in case you’re wondering, i don’t call people after one crappy email. or after one really great email, for that matter.

the types.

i think this ad has been funnier simply because i’ve given these dudes more chances to email. i decided to reply to every ad i get (or at least try to - sometimes i accidentally delete them/forget about them bc gmail tosses them in ‘conversations’). i try to be polite (unless they’re a *total* douchebag) and it seems most guys appreciate at least a ‘no thanks’ email.

that said, not all guys are most guys and some of them go nuts. other ones are nuts in the original email. here’s a rough list of types (mostly so i don’t forget one later… i’ll probably add on as it goes)

- the old/divorced/dad dude

- the bitter dude.

- the douchebag.

- the i think i’m hot dude.

- the you can’t possibly turn me down dude.

- the but i think you’re great dude.

- the we can just be friends dude.

- the oh yeah? well i didn’t like you first dude.

- the just plain nuts dude.

CL is awesome.

seeing as i’m still single and the last time i gave CL peronals a shot, i ended up with craig, i figured the worst that would come out of another CL ad would be creating another time black hole. the best? amazing entertainment. the first 2 ads were flagged shortly after posting, but the third has been a goldmine of laughs. no bf yet, but a metric tonne of hilarity. i have to share this crap with others. if you’ve done this, let me know - there’s no way i’ve talked to all the crazies on here.

enjoy!

remember encyclopedias?

remember encyclopedias? i used to wish my parents would give in and buy one, but they always seemed so pricy and were totally available at the library!

think of encyclopedias, as we knew them back in the day (not so far back, if you really think about how young we/i are/am). they were updated once a year, so you knew everything was incredibly up to date. of course, if you had one at home, or even at school, they likely weren’t updated every year. i remember being taught encyclopedias up to 5 years old were probably a good source.

i loved encyclopedias. there were volumes upon volumes of them and you just chose the chunk of the alphabet you wanted. i’d find my article and then read all the other articles on that page. then i’d flip to random pages for a while. it seemed everything in the world was in these books and all you had to have was time. granted, all the time i used to have was our allotted research hour or whatever, but that was pretty decent for a fast reader.

now i don’t usually think about encyclopedias. i’m an internet addict, a google faithful. i think anything worth needing to know is on wiki, and it usually is. on my blackberry alone, i have google maps, goog-411, gchat, google news, gmail and of course, google search. i went from lugging around encyclopedias at the library, to encyclopedia brittanica on cd-rom (93 i believe was the first year we had it… or 95?), to aol search on dialup, then to high speed, laptops with wireless, and now my freaking phone.

i can find out anything about anything on a relatively high speed connection (t-mobile’s EDGE) almost anywhere i am. i can read about things that happened 8 minutes ago 5 time zones away. when i check the weather, i get the weather, forecast and weather news stories (rarely exciting, but still…) there’s so much information, there’s so much everything everywhere anytime, that nothing matters anymore. the internet is boring. i used to be fascinated with the internet, waiting 3 minutes for a page to load, then another minute or so for all the links to work. it was exciting - slow, but it seemed the world was at my fingertips and i just needed patience. now the world is at my fingertips and i spend hours on end surfing, surfing, clicking, typing, rarely fascinated or excited or even entertained. this was not the feeling i expected to get when i could find out anything about everything. it’s not our fault we’re jaded. we simply can’t deal with so much.

addicted.

i used to be addicted to the internet. like seriously addicted, as in i’d feel anxious if i hadn’t been online all day. not that there was anything important, it just happened. now, i’ve realized, i’m addicted to my cell phone.

i should point out, first off, that it’s not just any phone, it’s a blackberry. pearl, in case you’re curious. this thing HAS the internet. it also has my gchat (which is why i’m always online), AIM (even though i don’t use it that often), fb, google maps, my address book - all sorts of apps. i’ve always been paranoid if i left home without my cell, but lately it’s gotten worse. my phone charger is on my nightstand, in case i get an emergency email in the middle of the night (although i’d probably sleep though it), but also since i use it as an alarm. i now check email/msgs first thing in the morning. wtf? it’s usually the There is a New Job Posting in Your Location crap from symplicity or some other worthless school email. things i don’t care about, but i must know. i still HAVE to check every time i feel the phone vibrate and, if i’m in class or otherwise can’t pick up, it’s the first thing i do when i can.

sad thing is, i know a lot of people like me. what’s come over us? i talk to my mom nearly daily. i love my mom, but that’s a little weird. back in the day, you moved out of town and you could afford long distance calls maybe once a week. my mom can now call, txt, email me and know that there’s a 98% chance i got the message within 5 minutes. so she also knows when i’m screening her calls.

this is also terrible for work. everyone at work knows i have a bb and so they know that i am able to respond to emails at almost any time. this leads to me trying to remember the last conversation i had with a client while in class, so they can update the notes in the file. yick.

RIM, bb, i love you all, but this is just adding to the ridiculous surplus of information we have. remember encyclopedias? blog coming up about that, but start thinking.